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Rich: lol, I’ve seen those before but still funny

CALLER: I’ve been ringing 0700 2300 for two days and can’t get help.

OPERATOR: Where did you get that number from, sir?

CALLER: It was on the door.

OPERATOR: Sir, those are our opening hours.

————

TECHNICAL SUPPORT: I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.

CUSTOMER: OK

TECHNICAL SUPPORT: Did you get a popup menu?

CUSTOMER: No.

TECHNICAL SUPPORT: OK. Right-click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?

CUSTOMER: No.

TECHNICAL SUPPORT: Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?

CUSTOMER: Sure. You told me to write ‘click’ and I wrote ‘click’.

—————————

OPERATOR: Computer assistance; may I help you?

CALLER: Yes, well, I’m having trouble with my word-processing package.

OPERATOR: What sort of trouble?

CALLER: Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.

OPERATOR: Went away?

CALLER: They disappeared.

OPERATOR: Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?

CALLER: Nothing.

OPERATOR: Nothing?

CALLER: It’s blank; it won’t accept anything when I type.

OPERATOR: Are you still in the system, or did you get out?

CALLER: How do I tell?

OPERATOR: Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?

CALLER: What’s a ‘sea-prompt’?

OPERATOR: Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?

CALLER: There isn’t any cursor: I told you, it won’t accept anything I type.

OPERATOR: Does your monitor have a power indicator?

CALLER: What’s a monitor?

OPERATOR: It’s the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it’s on?

CALLER: I don’t know.

OPERATOR: Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?

CALLER: Yes, I think so.

OPERATOR: Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it’s plugged into the wall.

CALLER: Yes, it is.

OPERATOR: When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?

CALLER: No.

OPERATOR: Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.

CALLER: OK, here it is.

OPERATOR: Follow it for me, and tell me if it’s plugged securely into the back of your computer.

CALLER: I can’t reach.

OPERATOR: OK. Well, can you see if it is?

CALLER: No.

OPERATOR: Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?

CALLER: Oh, it’s not because I don’t have the right angle – it’s because it’s dark.

OPERATOR: Dark?

CALLER: Yes – the light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.

OPERATOR: Well, turn on the light then.

CALLER: I can’t.

OPERATOR: No? Why not?

CALLER: Because there’s a power failure.

OPERATOR: A power … a power failure? Aha, OK, we’ve got it sorted now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?

CALLER: Well, yes, I keep them in the cupboard.

OPERATOR: Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the shop you bought it from.

CALLER: Really? Is it that bad?

OPERATOR: Yes, I’m afraid it is.

CALLER: Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?

OPERATOR: Tell them you’re too bloody stupid to own a computer.

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lol