Dear Santa
I DO NOT want a repeat of Christmas Days long gone, I want a good one this year so here’s a list of what I DONT want to make things easier for you…
- Star Wars.
Yes, I know I am a geek but that doesn’t mean that anything with a space ship on it is good, even if it comes in a Trilogy. - Books Written Before 2007
Science Fiction is my favorite, there aren’t as many sci-fi books as all the others so if you buy me a sci-fi book, check the inside cover for when it was first published. If it says any year before 2007 then there’s a fair chance that I’ve read it already. I swear if I get another Asimov book written in 1959 (and read thrice already before I was 16) then I will shove it up your arse!. - “Novelty” items
Anything with the word “novelty” in it’s title is not good. That means no novelty Chocolate or novelty Willy Warmer this year – not funny! (still) - Models
No cars, planes, boats or helicopters.. UNLESS, they are fully controllable on all axis. A car would need to be speedy and capable of massive jumps, a plane will need extras so it can drop stuff from a height, a boat only if it also flies and a helicopter will need at least 4 channels (that means if it only goes up and down, it’s crap and I wont like it) - Jumpers
Yes, even big woolly ones with trees on. - DVD’s
Ok, so like, I have broadband and a few programs called BitTorrent and Usenet. This means I have probably seen every movie there is and if I haven’t, it’s because I didn’t want to. Everything I have ever wanted to watch on DVD can either be downloaded as a DVD or in HD. Don’t waste your money, if you must buy me DVD’s then buy me the ones that can be written to. (so I can put more than 1 movie on it) - PC Games
For the same reasons above, if it exists then I’ve probably downloaded it, played it, got bored with it and then deleted it. - Music
Again, broadband exists. - Soap
Oh come on! I do not need expensive soap (or cheap for that matter). I have a particular shower gel and soap that I like, forcing me to wash in your green biodegradable organic pig shit soap is hell. - Free Stuff
Anything that you got for free as a bonus item at the checkout does not count as a gift. - Live Animals
Unless you are going to kill it and let me eat it. - Cuddly Toy
Anything that is fluffy and evokes an “ahhh” from a female will be beheaded and binned. - Vouchers for shops I don’t go to
Even a £50 voucher is no good if it is for “Jazmins Custom Bookend Shop”. Seriously. - My present to you last year
Any present I receive that I had bought myself and given away already will be placed in your nostril and set light to.
Yours Sincerely,
Andy Bailey
Geek aged 35+ 
thanks to all the stumbleupon-ers that brought so much traffic to here! I have now got a dedicated server for FiddyP so bring it on!!
Twitter: psychicgeek
Some free stuff is good, like the collection of miniature bottles of booze that are affixed to the big bottles on a promotional basis. Booze has a very long shelf life.
witchypoo’s last blog post..The ingenious plot of Skinny Bitch to torture her husband.
hehe, there’s an even longer shelf life for booze in my house. I still have a crate of beer somewhere from last year!
Hahaha i like your list. Is giving you a sexy chick okay ? lol!
chase’s last blog post..Moonlighting Over My Penalised Google PageRank
So here’s a guy (FiddyP) that thinks that I am bothered by the fact that he tells people his post has been copied. I have had blogs for the past 2 years and about 80% of the stuff I have posted has been copied – frankly I am not so “up my own arse” that I need to be bothered by it and I take it as a small compliment that someone would want to reproduce my words (shows that people are reading my blog) – I generally ask that a credit is given – if they do they do – if they don’t they don’t – I have better things to do with my time than skype people and get abusive. As someone once said – insults are the vocalbury of the inept – FYI – I took the Santa Post down (it wasn’t that funny on second reading anyway)
PS – thanks for the “Objectionable” link – as someone famous once said – ALL Publicity is good publicity. Perhaps I can do the same for you soon.
Thanks Ray St Clair for being an ‘adult’ about it.
lol … good stuff.
I haven’t needed a Christmas list of any kind (want or don’t want) for many years now. Alas, when you’re a father, Christmas is for the kids … even my wife is ahead of me in the line … if there’s anything left at the end, I might get a present
Todd Morris’s last blog post..Positive Visioning … Making Up The Future
Todd: anything left at the end? arrgh, sounds like a nightmare at christmas for me!
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Twitter: psychicgeek
Santa Claus is sounding bitchy…err…grinchy today.
witchypoo’s last blog post..The ingenious plot of Skinny Bitch to torture her husband.
hehe, must be that time of year
Hehe, maybe it would be easier if you told people what they were allowed buy for you?
clairec23′s last blog post..Penpals Anonymous
“Novelty” items are a huge pet peeve of mine too. Goes right in the junk drawer.
AntiBarbie’s last blog post..My First Story
Claire: hehe, that’s true lol. It’s not really my list to santa (I sent that weeks ago!)
AntiB: Do you get many novelty willy warmers then? hehe
HA HA HA good list
Andy, that’s it you’re just getting a big kiss for Christmas……
or maybe one those Christmas sweaters. Red. With Big Green Snowflakes. And Rudolph grinning insanely.
Sharon » mwoah! no jumpers needed! my missus just knitted me a wicked nice cardigan. warm as toast!
Nice. Is it Red. With Big Green Snowflakes. And Rudolph grinning insanely?
lol, it’s a russian navy cardigan and it’s warm as toast!
nice articles.simple way but effort.many thx
what a funny list… subscribing…
geek05@free blogger templates´s last blog post..$99 iPhone
i like science fiction books but not that much because it is something that is can not be completely depended on. everything in it is not true.