Dear Santa
I DO NOT want a repeat of Christmas Days long gone, I want a good one this year so here’s a list of what I DONT want to make things easier for you…
- Star Wars.
Yes, I know I am a geek but that doesn’t mean that anything with a space ship on it is good, even if it comes in a Trilogy. - Books Written Before 2007
Science Fiction is my favorite, there aren’t as many sci-fi books as all the others so if you buy me a sci-fi book, check the inside cover for when it was first published. If it says any year before 2007 then there’s a fair chance that I’ve read it already. I swear if I get another Asimov book written in 1959 (and read thrice already before I was 16) then I will shove it up your arse!. - “Novelty” items
Anything with the word “novelty” in it’s title is not good. That means no novelty Chocolate or novelty Willy Warmer this year – not funny! (still) - Models
No cars, planes, boats or helicopters.. UNLESS, they are fully controllable on all axis. A car would need to be speedy and capable of massive jumps, a plane will need extras so it can drop stuff from a height, a boat only if it also flies and a helicopter will need at least 4 channels (that means if it only goes up and down, it’s crap and I wont like it) - Jumpers
Yes, even big woolly ones with trees on. - DVD’s
Ok, so like, I have broadband and a few programs called BitTorrent and Usenet. This means I have probably seen every movie there is and if I haven’t, it’s because I didn’t want to. Everything I have ever wanted to watch on DVD can either be downloaded as a DVD or in HD. Don’t waste your money, if you must buy me DVD’s then buy me the ones that can be written to. (so I can put more than 1 movie on it) - PC Games
For the same reasons above, if it exists then I’ve probably downloaded it, played it, got bored with it and then deleted it. - Music
Again, broadband exists. - Soap
Oh come on! I do not need expensive soap (or cheap for that matter). I have a particular shower gel and soap that I like, forcing me to wash in your green biodegradable organic pig shit soap is hell. - Free Stuff
Anything that you got for free as a bonus item at the checkout does not count as a gift. - Live Animals
Unless you are going to kill it and let me eat it. - Cuddly Toy
Anything that is fluffy and evokes an “ahhh” from a female will be beheaded and binned. - Vouchers for shops I don’t go to
Even a £50 voucher is no good if it is for “Jazmins Custom Bookend Shop”. Seriously. - My present to you last year
Any present I receive that I had bought myself and given away already will be placed in your nostril and set light to.
Yours Sincerely,
Andy Bailey
Geek aged 35+ 
thanks to all the stumbleupon-ers that brought so much traffic to here! I have now got a dedicated server for FiddyP so bring it on!!
18.12.07 2:23 pm
Twitter: psychicgeek
Some free stuff is good, like the collection of miniature bottles of booze that are affixed to the big bottles on a promotional basis. Booze has a very long shelf life.
witchypoo’s last blog post..The ingenious plot of Skinny Bitch to torture her husband.
#118.12.07 2:28 pm
hehe, there’s an even longer shelf life for booze in my house. I still have a crate of beer somewhere from last year!
#218.12.07 2:42 pm
Hahaha i like your list. Is giving you a sexy chick okay ? lol!
chase’s last blog post..Moonlighting Over My Penalised Google PageRank
#318.12.07 3:39 pm
So here’s a guy (FiddyP) that thinks that I am bothered by the fact that he tells people his post has been copied. I have had blogs for the past 2 years and about 80% of the stuff I have posted has been copied – frankly I am not so “up my own arse” that I need to be bothered by it and I take it as a small compliment that someone would want to reproduce my words (shows that people are reading my blog) – I generally ask that a credit is given – if they do they do – if they don’t they don’t – I have better things to do with my time than skype people and get abusive. As someone once said – insults are the vocalbury of the inept – FYI – I took the Santa Post down (it wasn’t that funny on second reading anyway)
#418.12.07 3:40 pm
PS – thanks for the “Objectionable” link – as someone famous once said – ALL Publicity is good publicity. Perhaps I can do the same for you soon.
#518.12.07 3:43 pm
Thanks Ray St Clair for being an ‘adult’ about it.
#618.12.07 5:22 pm
lol … good stuff.
I haven’t needed a Christmas list of any kind (want or don’t want) for many years now. Alas, when you’re a father, Christmas is for the kids … even my wife is ahead of me in the line … if there’s anything left at the end, I might get a present
Todd Morris’s last blog post..Positive Visioning … Making Up The Future
#718.12.07 6:04 pm
Todd: anything left at the end? arrgh, sounds like a nightmare at christmas for me!
#818.12.07 6:29 pm
[...] Si o lista cu lucruri pe care NU le vrem de Craciun. [...]
#918.12.07 11:58 pm
Twitter: psychicgeek
Santa Claus is sounding bitchy…err…grinchy today.
witchypoo’s last blog post..The ingenious plot of Skinny Bitch to torture her husband.
#1019.12.07 12:15 am
hehe, must be that time of year
#1119.12.07 12:53 am
Hehe, maybe it would be easier if you told people what they were allowed buy for you?
clairec23’s last blog post..Penpals Anonymous
#1219.12.07 3:22 am
“Novelty” items are a huge pet peeve of mine too. Goes right in the junk drawer.
AntiBarbie’s last blog post..My First Story
#1319.12.07 10:39 am
Claire: hehe, that’s true lol. It’s not really my list to santa (I sent that weeks ago!)
#14AntiB: Do you get many novelty willy warmers then? hehe
19.12.07 6:20 pm
HA HA HA good list
#1519.12.07 9:35 pm
Andy, that’s it you’re just getting a big kiss for Christmas……
or maybe one those Christmas sweaters. Red. With Big Green Snowflakes. And Rudolph grinning insanely.
#1619.12.07 11:42 pm
Sharon » mwoah! no jumpers needed! my missus just knitted me a wicked nice cardigan. warm as toast!
#1722.12.07 5:54 am
Nice. Is it Red. With Big Green Snowflakes. And Rudolph grinning insanely?
#1817.03.08 6:17 pm
lol, it’s a russian navy cardigan and it’s warm as toast!
#1914.01.09 8:36 am
nice articles.simple way but effort.many thx
#2013.02.09 5:22 pm
what a funny list… subscribing…
geek05@free blogger templates´s last blog post..$99 iPhone
#2123.03.09 6:30 am
i like science fiction books but not that much because it is something that is can not be completely depended on. everything in it is not true.
#22